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I’m about to get serious here, everyone. I try not to do it too often. I’d much rather keep things around here light and, of course, food related. But given the devastating number of youth suicides that have been reported these last few years, particularly within the GLBT community, I felt that I needed to share my coming out story with all of you.
This is not something I’ve told many people. It’s hard for me to relive, so for the last ten years I’ve found a way to lock up these memories. I keep them tucked away someplace deep in my soul. I know it’s not healthy and that’s why I’m sharing this.
From the very beginning of high school, I was pegged as someone who would be an easy target. Slightly overweight and probably more than a little effeminate, I immediately became the punching bag for a handful of upperclassmen. Thankfully, I was never beaten up (though I was threatened a few times). There were the occasional shoves into lockers or I was tripped by someone as I passed them in the hall. But none of this hurt me as much as the words that were so liberally thrown in my direction. Faggot. Gay. Queer.
These epithets were screamed at me in the locker room, in the cafeteria, even in the classroom, within earshot of my teachers (none of whom were in the least bit interested in addressing this issue).
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For whatever reason, I wanted to try to deal with the situation on my own… and, out of desperation, I wrote an anonymous letter directed at the teachers of the school. I will spare you the details of what the letter said (I still have a copy of it), but reading it now, I’m not sure where I found the restraint. My goal was to make it known that there were gay students in our school and that teachers should not tolerate bullying.
Then, one morning, I walked into the mailroom and put the letter in the mailbox of every teacher. I waited to see what the reaction would be. Soon, rumors started to spread about this letter and a few kids started to ask their teachers to read it. Some did, some didn’t. After a few days, people had forgotten about it.
It certainly didn’t have the effect that I was hoping for. It didn’t change the way people treated me or the way teachers handled these situations. But it did get people talking and that was a start. And for me, personally, it was an empowering experience.
Shortly after this, I came out to my family. It was a difficult time for everyone, but it didn’t take long before things smoothed over. My parents love me and as I revealed myself to them, they embraced me and made it clear that this wouldn’t change the way they felt about me.
The bullying continued throughout the rest of high school. As I felt more comfortable with who I was, I didn’t let it bother me as much. And I surrounded myself with people who loved me and stood up for me. Soon, my allies outnumbered my opponents. It made me realize that things do get better, even if they’re not perfect.
As soon as I was out of high school, my life changed. I went to college and, from that point on, I was the person I wanted to be. No one cared if I was gay. They saw me for who I was as a person, and my sexual orientation made no difference to them. Once I moved to Boston for my studies, I got involved with GLBT issues. In 2004, I spent a number of long days at the Massachusetts State House, carrying signs in support of gay marriage and chanting until my voice went. We were fighting for our rights… for our lives. And, to our surprise, we won.
Then, six years ago, I met the man who is now my husband.
All I can say to the countless youth who are being bullied is this: find happiness wherever you can. Find it in something you love. Music, painting, cooking. Do your best to stay strong during these hard times. Don’t give up. It does get better. It will. If you had asked my 15 year old self if I thought I’d be out to my entire family, that I would get married to the man of my dreams and be surrounded by so many people who supported us and our love for one another? Never in a million years.
That’s why you have to stick it out. This world is big and beautiful with so many possibilities. No matter what happens, try to remember that.
I recently read a piece in the Huffington Post where a mother recounted the story of how her 7 year old son came out to her. The article brought tears to my eyes. Such love and acceptance. In addition, I want to direct you all to the It Gets Better website. The videos on the site are an inspiration.
I don’t want to leave you without a recipe. Something just feels right about including this purple carrot soup in this post (the color lavender has widely been used as a gay pride color). It’s a dish that as you cook and eat it, all seems right with the world. Enjoy.
Purple Carrot and Apple Soup
Note: The salt in the above photograph is a lavender salt that I just adore. It was a nice addition to the soup, but isn’t necessary. A little coarse sea salt would work just fine. Also, I’m entering this soup in this year’s SoupaPalooza from TidyMom and Dine and Dish. Come join SoupaPalooza at TidyMom and Dine and Dish sponsored by KitchenAid, Red Star Yeast and Le Creuset.
serves 4
Ingredients
5 medium purple carrots, peeled, ends trimmed, and cut into 1 inch circles
2 medium sweet apples (such as Gala apples), peeled, cored and cut into 1 inch cubes
1 tbsp. olive oil
1 1/2 tsp. honey
1 tsp ginger powder
16 ounces vegetable stock
Salt and white pepper, to taste
Greek yogurt, optional
Coarse sea salt, optional
Directions
Heat olive oil in a medium pot and set to medium heat. Add the purple carrots, apples, honey, and ginger to the pot and toss to combine. Add vegetable stock and simmer over medium heat. Let simmer for about 30 to 40 minutes. Once the carrots and apples are tender, take off of heat and let cool.
Using an immersion blender (or you can do it in batches in a regular blender), puree the soup until it is smooth. Add more vegetable stock if it is too thick. Season with salt and pepper, to taste.
Let the soup simmer for another 15 minutes before serving. Ladle into bowls and serve with a dollop of Greek yogurt.
What a wonderful post. Thank you for sharing – it means so much to those going through difficult situations to know they aren’t the only ones.
Brian, writing from the depth of your soul takes courage and “easy” is not the word that is usually associated with it.
I recently saw a play here in LA called Expecting to Fly, directed by a friend of a good friend. And even though the protagonists were gay, it was really not about being gay. You could have put a heterosexual couple instead, and the story would still resonate.
My two younger girls are in middle school and what they see in their heads is not the reality. I shudder when I recall my thoughts and feelings when I was 13 and 14. Kids that age need a huge amount of support and understanding, as even something really “mild” as constantly being called “four eyes” makes you feel smaller than a grain of sand.
It does get better. “Four eyes” gets contact lenses and the world changes:) And she can see much, much better.
I felt your story with all my heart. And I cheer for you and the happy ending of your story:)
My state of California is creeping towards nixing the Prop 8, and when that happens, I will rejoice.
I have read a really beautiful story recently that I think you would appreciate. It made me smile:)
http://rachelintheoc.com/2012/02/why-the-boys-run-one-intimate-answer-guest-post-by-justinbog/
Thank you so much for sharing your story!
I applaud your younger self for taking a stand within your school community, though I’m sorry to hear you experienced some difficulties in high school.
I’ve worked in a wide variety of schools; most of which housed accepting staff, faculty, and students… though one school in particular had more “traditional” views and I found myself uncomfortable with a number of discussions in the faculty room. It’s surprising – and nauseating to be honest – that bigotry still runs rampant amongst some educators; but organizations such as the It Gets Better project give me hope that as a whole, we’re heading in a more tolerant direction. I’ve taken the It Gets Better pledge, and I make a concerted effort to spread the word about this fantastic project!
As for the soup… wow! Gorgeous color (my favorite) and the flavors sound simply delicious =).
The most touching video saw this week concerning the LGBT community was a very toughing talk from (surprisingly) a republican. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbmbdWK6338
If there are even people within the conservative (and often bigoted) republican party who are brave enough to stand up against their party’s message and speak up for what is right, then real equality and more widespread acceptance must just around the corner.
And about the soup: so trying this!
Wonderful and honest post, Brian. Sounds like you were a very brave teenager! I hope this helps inspire some people who are struggling to be comfortable with who they are because of how people are treating them.
Beautiful post. I just want to give you a big ole hug. You’ve earned several.
This soup looks so cool!!
Thanks for sharing your story, your strength and encouragement. You are an amazing person and I’m honored to be your friend.
You are amazing and brave. To come out to your parents as a teenager? That must have been so difficult. I can’t imagine how gay teens felt in my high school- it was a very small town and boys were very mean. Congrats to you for becoming active in making things better. You are loved and appreciated
Aww Bri I can imagine your HS self determined in writing the letter. As a mom am I doubly touched as if you were my kid. I am so proud of you finding the inner strength to write about this very difficult and personal subject.
I enjoyed this so much and do know how difficult it must have been for you. My oldest came out to me when he was 21, and although I knew in my heart years before he told me, he also said he’d realized it several years before I thought he had at the age of 13. Although he’s had a few scary situations in youth as you’ve described, once away from high school, life became his own. Beautiful soup, beautiful writing…Best to you!
Brian you are brave and you should know you will always have more friends than enemies in your life.
Be creative, be happy.
xx
Definitely thank you for sharing this and I am so happy that you overcame it all and are how you are now (awesomeness with a side of more awesome!) Growing up in a Latin culture, it’s still a place where it’s not socially accepted, and I do hope for the sake of everyone in my country, that it soon does get better. Everyone deserves to find their love, no matter what. Love ya sweets!
A beautiful, courageous post Brian. I read a piece about the teenage suicides in the teen GLBT community in the US recently and I was horrified. So many people in the developed world seem to think the battle for gay rights has been won or that it is a lot of fuss over nothing, while the mere fact of being openly gay still carries the death penalty in many countries. Thank you for highlighting the fact that the battle is far from over, and for sharing tour story with us. Hugs from London.
Thank you for sharing. You are very courageous and a great role model for all of us!
How can humans be so disappointing and then be so beautiful. How can humans nurture and love and hate and destroy. Such a mixed, sad, wonderful lot we are. Your story is uplifting and encouraging and should give everyone hope — it does get better and I’m so glad it did for you. Beautiful soup from a beautiful person.
Thank you for standing up to your beliefs Brian. In a world where humans send out such mixed signals it’s not easy to be so courageous but with voices like yours I hope others will hear and like you stand up for their rights and ideals! Love the vivid color of this soup!
So happy you shared this experience. It’s unfathomable to me that teens are still so vicious about this issue. It’s absurd. And it breaks my heart.
Wow…thank you for sharing this…what a beautiful and honest reflection on your life. It brought me to tears, sweet friend. You are such an amazing person…and the trials of those earlier years have cemented you into a person of compassion and strength. I can’t wait to share this post with my friends and family. I know they will draw as much inspiration from it as I have.
Acceptance is something we all want and need, from our families and loved ones, our friends and our peers, etc. It is heartbreaking to know that countless of kids are currently going through what you had to when you were their age. You were courageous to write your letter back then and today you write from a place of confidence with a message of hope that needs to be heard, especially by those who are being bullied, for whatever reason.
It does get better and we all need to do what we can to help it along.
P.S. Love the purple carrot soup and honestly, just found out from this post that there are purple carrots
Brain,
Let’s get this out of the way first…your soup…BEAUTIFUL!
I met my wife 3 1/2 years ago, and we married last year in front of the Supreme Court in DC. It was the most amazing experience of my life.
I wish I would have known back then how fabulous this life could be.
Also, purple is my favorite color. I need to make this. For aesthetic purposes alone!
Brian, Thank you for sharing your story, I’m sure it will be helpful to so many people. The teenage years can be so cruel, and you handled this beautifully. But how painful! I am so glad times have changed, at least in urban areas. For my son (who is in college, so only recently in high school…) gender orientation simply is not an issue for his friends (okay, we’re in MA now, so add that to the mix). Still, times have been changing and will continue to change, especially when we see more of this kind of post.
On the soup–I’ve made something similar and the carrots turned brown when cooked
so I added a little lemon juice–like a magic trick, beautiful! I adore purple carrots.
On your site–love the new look. Let’s make a plan to have coffee–I’ll e-mail you.
xxoo
It’s a beautiful story Brian. Not the bullying, but where you’ve come. With support and love. I’m so happy you have the full support of your parents and family and the love of your husband. You deserve that and more. And I’m glad you told this story so it can help other people in similar situations know the future is bright.
Very courageous, B!
By the way, the soup looks wonderful. Love the purple!!
Brian – thank you for sharing your story but more importantly, for having the strength and courage to take the steps you did. I hope that others will read this and find inspiration in it!
Lana, Thank you so much for sharing your own story. I don’t think being called “four eyes” is mild at all. That’s still bullying and it takes a toll on a person, especially a child. They are lucky to have someone as loving and supporting as you.
Jen- Congrats on your wedding! It is a special occasion for so many reasons… mainly that you got to celebrate your love for one another.
Sally – I’m so glad that your son is in a place where gender or sexual orientation don’t matter to his peers. That’s a wonderful environment to be in. I wish it were true that all MA residents were accepting, but, unfortunately, that’s not the case. It is much better in these parts than a lot of other states, of course. Thanks for sharing!
You’re a courageous man Brian. Thanks for sharing this story. Beautifully done.
I grew up in a community with an extraordinarily large high school; two cities had combined together to create one district and so I went to high school with almost 3000 students. Since I have a daughter about your age you can image that was a quite a few years ago. Back when coming out was unheard of; when the word queer only meant strange or unusual; it had not been appropriated as a derogatory term for gay and I even remember that shift and having to be careful to not say ,’That was queer.’ anymore when all I meant was, ‘That’s odd.’
High school is a difficult time especially if you don’t fit the parameters of someone else’s normal. It’s especially tough because we are all so conscious of every little part of discovering who we are while at the same time immersed in a culture of people who find their own insecurities best met with belittling, even harming others.
You might not see the similarity but I fully recall the agony of being so very tall. I mean REALLY tall. I’ve been almost 6′ tall since I was about 13 or 14 years old. Along with that came the derision on a daily basis. Jolly Green Giant did not mean veggies from the garden and if I had a dollar for every time I’ve been asked, ‘How’s the weather up there?’ I would be a rich woman retired in a villa on a warm beach. Amazon, Godzilla and more were pitched my way everyday and I’m sure no one thought anything of it but that young girl who had to act like it was no big deal. I so identify with that as well as the teachers who laughed and didn’t help the cause by always asking me to do the classroom chores that required height.
You were so very fortunate to have such terrific family support Brian; I think it’s those kids that can’t tell their parents that are caught in a web of deceit and insecurity and I guess sometimes hopelessness. My parents were pretty consumed; my mother with 6 kids and my father dealing with my mother’s alcoholism so I did not have them to lean on. But I had something and that was sports. I went from being the girl who got called names in the hallway to the girl everyone wanted on their volleyball and basketball team and in that space I found the strength to persevere. Like you college was such a different and amazing experience…it’s getting kids through those 4 tough years of high school that seems to be the challenge today.
Life is a journey and everyone has struggles but it’s always good to hear of someone who stayed the course, was true to himself and is finding the joy we all deserve from a life well lived. Congrats to you for that; not only do you seem to have found the life you wanted to live but in doing so I’m certain you are also a measure of great hope to someone who might read this who is not quite there.
amazingly creative and fabulous!
Bri, this is not only a terrific soup recipe, but a life lesson for young people who can’t yet see the light at the end of the tunnel. Love you. xox
I wish as ‘grown ups’ we could say to all of the kids in high school and elementary school – it get’s better. The more people talk the less isolated others feel and the more people realize how much words can hurt.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Brian, this post was beautiful. I loved it. Loved the recipe, too. Perfect! Thank you for the inspiration.
Brian – thank you for sharing your story. And thank you for being you!
What a touching post. One of my best friends is gay and for years, he didn’t come out and people would always be asking me and other friends questions like, “he’s gay, right?” I never thought it about, to be honest. He was just my wonderful, funny friend. It takes a lot of courage, especially, I think, to be comfortable with who you are and stand up for it when you’re so young. Many people don’t have that courage, especially, so early in their lives. I think that, no matter what makes you ‘different’ you should always embrace who you are, and stand up for what is right. It’s the only way the world moves forward! Lots of love from San Francisco!
Brian, this is a lovely and beautifully written article. Thank you for putting yourself out there in order to help others in the same situation. I have a brother who is gay and from day one we let him know that he is completely loved and honored as a brother. I just cannot understand and teach my kids to never understand how someone can not have equal rights in this country for their sexual orientation. Will we ever learn from history?
It breaks my heart that any child be treated differently or unfairly because of who they are. I’m so happy that there are wonderful people like you willing to share their stories to give others hope for the future.
Great piece, Brian!!! Thanks for sharing. This resonates in many ways.
Beautiful post. It’s amazing what speaking the truth does for us and others.
And the soup looks gorgeous.
If there is one thing I teach my kids I hope that it is kindness and acceptance. I have encountered, and seen others encounter, some really ugly people, especially in high school. It can really break someone’s spirit & is such a shame. Thank you for writing this Brian, very touching & the right words for someone who might need to hear them.
Watching the videos on It Gets Better has me running so many emotions angry, sad and hopeful all at the same time. Thank you for sharing your story..
What a post Brian. So courageous. Thank you for sharing.
I admire your courage, your frankness and, of course, your soup. It all shows spirit!
Thank you for sharing a distressing and hard time in your life. I cannot believe how educators of all people can be so callous to something that can greatly affect someone’s life. I would like to think that over time people in general are becoming more mature, tolerant of differences and learning to look beyond the superficial to what really matters the most – the person! Yayyy for your family, they love you so much, God Bless em’! You mentioned that things changed after high school, especially as an adult. That is great, that is the society we live in and that is how it should be. I wish school kids grow more mature over the years and don’t indulge in mindless bullying and peer pressure.
The soup is gorgeous and that colour is divine!
Brian, thank you for sharing your story of courage and resiliency, and for providing such encouragement to youths and others. Love and acceptance by family is so important and it is so nice to hear that at all ages, parents have been so supportive.
this was simply beautiful. i applaud you for sharing this story.
also – love that the sweater matched the soup.
MMnnnn!. . . I LOVES me some Purple Carrot Soup, especially when it’s served up in a powerful narrative that describes such courage.
Espero que usted sabrá siempre cuánto nos amamos y te apoye. . . y más que eso. . . que estamos deseosos y dispuestos a luchar contra aquellos que son ignorantes e intolerantes.
Gracias nuevamente por compartir su historia – algo muy poderoso y un recordatorio de cuánto más tenemos que ir en el mundo hacia la educación de aquellos que temen a “el otro”.
Gorgeous, moving, emotional. As a teacher, I am outraged your own educators didn’t do more to protect you and promote a culture of tolerance. As a human being, I hurt for what you’ve endured. Thank you for sharing this. Because of brave individuals like you, day by day, it will get better.
I can’t imagine the kind of courage it took you to write that letter and although you didn’t see the kind of change it made, I bet it made a difference in the way those teachers looked at their surroundings and treated others…that has to trickle down, you’d think, eventually.
I’m proud of you for sharing this story and can only imagine the difference this post has already made to some people. I hope that I can accept my kids openly and lovingly the way your parents have.
You have an awesome heart… thanks again for opening up your life to us.
Thank you for sharing the struggles you’ve gone through. You are in better place now and that sends a great, positive message to people going through similar struggles. There’s always hope
Love this soup recipe. So vibrant, delicate and flavorful.
I am married (well, by German law, so in my country, not hers) to the love of my wife – another woman. I have seen my share of bullying, though fortunately less so than if I had grown up here, I think. I have a loving family and loving in-laws, and yet I know well what you are talking about. Thank you for you honesty.
And your soup looks amazingly beautiful.
In tears all i can say is thank you.
A touching post, Brian. I know it took courage back then to write that letter and to come out to your family and it also took courage to put together this very private story from your past. I’m proud of you to write this and it is never easy being different than others. I do remember stories of kids being bullied for various reasons in high school. Things today are much different. We live in a world that needs to learn a little more tolerance and kindness. I think your story will inspire others to be brave. xo
just came accidentally across your blog for the first time and wow, what an inspiring and touching story of hope and endurance, and the courage to stand to who we are and want to be! and i’m intrigued by the lavender salt, sounds delicious.
Brian, thank you for sharing, truly. That was very moving and it is important for people to know that they can get past such a horrible experience, live through it and find themselves. High schools tend to be a terrible place for bullying and name-calling, I think it’s the age and the need to be included for so many kids. Thankfully, colleges and universities tend to be so much more open-minded (at least where we live!) and the warmth and welcome extended to everyone is uplifting.
Thanks for sharing such a touching post. Unfortunately, society has a tough time accepting those that are even slightly different. Well done you fo standing up for yourself. Always BE you!
At this very moment I am giving you a standing ovation!!!!!
Dear Brian,
I just saw this deeply emotional post of yours..I have been suffering from a bad stomach virus and have not been feeling good.
I commend you for sharing such difficult memories from your past for a worthy cause. My heart breaks every time I hear of an innocent teenager taking their own lives. It’s downright tragic. As a mother I have taught my two sons to never ever bully anyone, as parents we need to teach our kids against bullying.
Lovely purple carrot & apple soup recipe as usual and thank you for visiting my blog!
xx
So so much love for you and this post. Can’t wait for our next excursion.
What a touching post, Brian. Made me teary to learn what you’ve been through, but really inspiring for anyone and everyone who needs to stand up for what they believe in. Also, I have to say that your soup looks absolutely incredible. I have a strange love for purple savory foods. I love you so much! xo
I am so happy to have found your blog. What a brave story you have! It’s terrible all of the bullying we hear about now, though I am thankful we living in an age where we have resources like “It Gets Better,” and more adults that are willing to listen. We still have a long way to go though!
Congrats on the top 9, and thank you for so openly sharing your story.
Absolutely beautiful and touching post!
Brian, thank you for sharing your story with us. You’re such an inspiration to many kids who are afraid to come out to their love ones, and to suffer bulling from their peers. It’s so brave of you to stand up to your rights, and continue your efforts to help the gay and lesbian communities. You are such an inspiration! xoxo
What an inspiring story. Thanks so much for sharing. And this purple carrot soup looks amazing! I hope I get some in my next CSA distribution! (I love how it matches the sweater, too).
Beautiful post, Brian. It brought back a lot of memories for me and a lot of emotions too – mostly good though for how things are finally getting better. It is always inspiring to see stories like this shared.
I guess I should talk about the food too, huh? This soup looks scrumptious! My kind of flavors.
I started writing a big long response to this, but I don’t want to leave War & Peace on your blog.
So I will say this: thank you. This is important.
Also – your soup is gorgeous.
Also, also – six years ago (on March 4th) I met the man who would become my husband. In Boston. We food bloggers are so similar.
Oh my, this soup is GORGEOUS!!
Beautiful, inspiring post! I love the It Gets Better movement, such a positive force for the community, our nation and the world at large. I’m so glad that people are speaking out about this issue. Thanks for posting.
Touching! I was thinking about this same topic the other day. I grew up in a small (read narrow minded) town in the middle of no-where. Luckily for me my parents are divorced and I spent half of the time in California and was exposed to the real world. Only after my 10 year reunion did a good friend from high school come out. I felt so sad for him; that he had to hide “him” for so long because of where he grew up and of who is family was. Not far. I admire you for your courage and for the love you have shown others. Very inspiring…..
Such a great post, Brian, I’m glad you shared it with us. And a wonderful soup as well!
Another stunning post, and not just for the recipe and photographs, but for the courage and strength you show in this post. Thank you for sharing it with us.
Brian – you just gave me goosebumps. Wow. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I wish you hadn’t; I wish no one would have to. It’s great for you to share your story with others who might be going through similar experiences. I’m glad you shared it with us. Thank you.
[...] This post of Brian’s is so, so brave. Soup looks tasty, too. [...]
Touching post, Brian. I applaud your candor, honesty and mostly your courage and heart for sharing your story.
and of course beautiful soup. The vibrancy of the color and vibrancy of this post all around.
I stumbled across your blog from a comment you left on Smitten Kitchen, and while I was drawn to the vibrant purple soup (it’s my favorite color), I stayed for this post. I am a little late to the game, but I wanted to comment anyway.
I was teased all throughout school, I was overweight, had thick glasses, and curly hair that was more frizz at the time (I had yet to really figure out a way to style it). I was called “elephant girl” and the requisite “four eyes” and this one boy would throw little balls of paper into my hair everyday in math class, to see how many he could get to stick, something the teacher saw, but never reprimanded him for.
These may seem like trite things looking back, but they stick with you. I am now 50 pounds lighter, people comment on my “beautiful hair” and though I wear contacts, I now love shopping for cool new frames for my glasses. However, all that stuff, the words, the hurt, the crippling self-consciousness, it never leaves you. I’m not trying to be “woe is me”, but there will always be a part of me that will never see myself as beautiful.
So while my story isn’t exactly like yours, I still feel connected with you in some small way. Is that silly? Thank you for sharing your story. You never know who might stumble across it, and perhaps have their life changed.
Just a touching post B. It takes strength and courage to talk about it and I’m proud of you more than ever! Its true, the world is a better place than we think!
What a wonderful post! But also the comments of support have me so happy. And the soup ain’t bad either! I’m so glad I stopped by today. Its always heartening on those occasions where we step out from behind the kitchen counter and share our selves on our blogs and get such loving responses. I was harassed in high school. Threatened, yelled at, even attacked with knives! I did not have the courage to come out or even ask for help. Its amazing how so much of that melted away after I got to college! I wish for all young people struggling with being gay in a hostile school environment to hang in there, ask for help, and know that it really does GET BETTER!
I have a very good friend (an older person and former co-worker) who told me his story of coming out. He was 33 years old with 7 kids before he came out. He’s 66 now, and one of his sons is my brother-in-law, and I admire him dearly for following his heart. It’s never too late, is all I can say.
Brian, I read this when you first posted, but have mulled over your words and emotions before commenting. I just wanted to let you know how much I admire you. For your strength, for your courage, and for your generosity in sharing it with all of us. I’m so glad you did this and can only hope that somewhere out there, a young boy (or girl) will find your words and comfort. xoxo
It’s hard to share a bit of our personal selves, especially to mass populations (i.e. the internet), but I’m glad you did Brian. It’s inspiring to myself, and to others, no matter what sexual orientation, color, nationality, etc. you are – no one should be bullies, and we should surround ourselves with loved ones and hold our heads up high. =)
Thanks for sharing your story Brian. I think the “It Gets Better” movement is so important. A number of videos that I’ve watched have brought tears to my eyes!
I didn’t really have a hard time with bullying in high school. Many of the difficulties I had were self-inflicted. I would protect my computer at all cost (my one connection to anything remotely gay) making sure I had covered up any tracks that would lead others to believe I was gay. I remember having several near panic attacks because I couldn’t recall if I had locked my computer before leaving the house. I also struggled a lot with spirituality (grew up catholic). I started having feelings for guys around me but was too afraid to express anything. I always had my guard up with friends and even family.
Shortly after I graduated college, I moved to California and came out to the world (partially via MySpace. HA!!). Everyone was super supportive and loving. The last phone call I made was to my parents. Afterwards, an immense weight was lifted off my shoulders. I didn’t really understand how detrimental living life undercover was while growing up. After I came out, everything got immensely better. Now I live life open and proud and I can’t imagine it any other way.
Thanks again.
Brandon
[...] Brian from A Thought for Food made a purple carrot and apple soup [...]
I loved this piece and commented back in March – but just realized it is and can be far reaching for all kids/teenagers. Some kids are just mean and will bully any difference whether it be sexuality, weight issues, disabilities etc. As a mom of a seven year old little boy with Asperger’s (autism) I get so distraught when he comes home sad about the “cool” kids calling him a maniac (he stems) etc (almost daily someone is being awful to him). In addition to telling our youth that it gets better no matter what the bullying or abuse – we need to teach our children from an early age to be KIND – no matter what differences they perceive, no matter how other children behave – we need to start early and continuing teach our children to be kind. Perhaps then we won’t have kids self hurting (my son bites himself), kids killing themselves, kids who are bullied growing up to be abusers…the list goes on. I have been promoting kindness for years – but it really hit me hard re-reading your story. @icywit (twitter)